


(You Know) The Rest By Heart

by Irmelin



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28137327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irmelin/pseuds/Irmelin
Summary: Alex shrugs off Luke’s hand. ”Are we sure he’d fit though? I mean, we can be a bit…””A bit what?”Alex isn’t sure what to respond. Co-dependent was the word his mom used, right after his dad asked if he was certain Luke and Reggie were the best choice of company for him. Along with phrases like ”unhealthy attachment” and ”better use of your time, darling”. All said with only the best intentions, of course.”I think we’re a bit of an acquired taste,” Reggie says helpfully, and Alex nods.Alex worries, Luke means well, and Reggie just wants to belong.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 196
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	(You Know) The Rest By Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Noxnoctisanima](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noxnoctisanima/gifts).



When Luke tells them about the guitarist he met at the music store where he works an hour now and then when he doesn’t have better things to do, Alex isn’t quite sure what to think. 

”… and he went home and brought his guitar back with him, and we had this epic jam session in the back, only we were interrupted when my boss came in and got annoyed because no one was taking care of customers, but seriously guys, he is so good. He’s exactly what we need.” Luke plays a riff on his own guitar in imitation. His face falls when there’s immediately a noise of someone banging on the ceiling. That’s one of the ground rules of rehearsing in Luke’s basement, no music after nine pm. 

”Do we though?” Alex asks hesitantly. ”I mean, I think we’re doing fine just the three of us.” He looks at Reggie for confirmation, and Reggie nods earnestly. 

Luke puts his guitar down and grabs Alex’s shoulder. ”Fine won’t get us anywhere, Alex. We need to be the best! And with Bobby, I’m telling you, we could be the best.”

Alex shrugs off Luke’s hand. ”Are we sure he’d fit though? I mean, we can be a bit…”

”A bit what?”

Alex isn’t sure what to respond. Co-dependent was the word his mom used, right after his dad asked if he was certain Luke and Reggie were the best choice of company for him. Along with phrases like ”unhealthy attachment” and ”better use of your time, darling”. All said with only the best intentions, of course. 

”I think we’re a bit of an acquired taste,” Reggie says helpfully, and Alex nods. 

Luke frowns. ”We’re not asking him to be our new best friend. We just need a guitarist.”

”Well, that just seems mean,” Reggie says. He unplugs his base, wincing as the lights flicker. 

There’s another knock on the ceiling, and Luke sighs loudly. ”Did I mention his aunt has a garage that she’ll let us use for rehearsal?” 

And well, it’s hard to argue with that.

* * *

It turns out pretty great, though. Bobby fits in nicely. He is a brilliant guitarist, just like Luke promised, with a quiet sense of humor and a welcome ability to stand up to Luke. And where a lot of people are discouraged by the combined force of the three of them, Bobby seems mostly baffled. 

”No, but…” Luke says, trying a few notes out, it’s not a melody, not even close to it, and it doesn’t quite work, but there is something there. 

Reggie’s eyes light up, and his fingers move over the strings of his base, without him actually playing, but Alex can hear the sound in his head, and he starts in on a rhythm that fits more with what Reggie isn’t playing than with what Luke actually is. The three of them beam at each other, because this is definitely the start of something. 

”Exactly!” Luke exclaims, and Bobby just stares at them. 

”What?” he says, bewildered. ”The two of you,” he points at Luke and Alex, ”are playing completely different things, and Reggie isn’t even playing!”

Reggie shrugs, looking smug. ”I don’t need to play. They know what I was thinking.”

Bobby just shakes his head. ”You’re all kind of freaky. I mean, you’re good, but freaky”

The garage is a nice bonus too. It’s huge, and while the sound carries a bit too well into the main house, Bobby’s aunt had an ex-husband who used to be in a black metal band, and she claims nothing will ever be as bad as that. They spend an entire Sunday afternoon carrying Alex’s drum kit from Luke’s basement to the garage, then repeating the process with the black leather coach that Luke’s parents are all too happy to be rid of. There’s a bathroom at the back, Bobby’s aunt lets them have her old microwave, and it’s pretty much everything they need. It even comes with a loft.

”Perfect for you Alex,” Reggie says, nudging him. ”When you get annoyed with us you can just hide up there, instead of having to take a walk around the block.” 

Alex makes a face at him, but it will turn out he does just that, and it’s kind of nice, listening to the others bickering without having to engage with them.

* * *

Something falls into place with Bobby in the band, just like Luke knew it would. They even manage to land a semi-regular gig at a bar named Mickey’s, stuck between a pizza place and a video rental that seems far from family friendly. 

Just like the neighborhood it’s in, Mickey’s is just on the wrong side of sleazy. But the owner doesn’t ask about their age, and the staff is made up of college students who are rather fond of their new little house band. And a couple of times one of them even recommends them for a gig somewhere where the audience wouldn’t rather sit in silence. The patrons mostly couldn’t care less about them, but every now and then a few of them get drunk enough to appreciate the music. It’s better than playing to an audience of none. 

Luke loves it. He never feels more alive than when he’s up on that rickety stage, the steady beat of Alex’s drums behind him, Bobby’s solid presence next to him, and Reggie bouncing around, never in the same place for more than a second. It’s like electricity connects them. Reggie joins him at his mike, swiping his sweat-soaked hair from his eyes, his voice mingling perfectly with Luke’s own, and Luke never wants the song to end. 

* * *

Once they have a place to call their own, the three of them end up spending pretty much every waking minute together. It’s always been one of the things that connected them, the fact that all of them rather would spend their time away from home. Bobby is there too, when he doesn’t head to work, to do the job Luke's boss offered him after firing Luke for not actually doing it. Luke doesn’t seem to mind, it gives him more time to write music. And having Alex and Reggie at his side all of the time gives him an excuse to hassle them into rehearsing when ever he gets a new idea. Which is about every five minutes, Alex reckons. There are times when Alex wants to strangle both of them out of sheer frustration, but for the most part it’s just… nice. 

He’s sitting on the floor, trying to get through his history homework, only listening with half an ear to Luke and Reggie discussing the girls working at Mickey’s.

”No, but Carmen has the best voice,” Luke insists. ”And have you heard her laugh? It’s awesome.” There’s the sound of rustling paper. ”Here, try these chords instead.” 

”But Sophie has pink hair,” Reggie says as he obediently plays the chords. ”And she parachutes!” His voice goes up into falsetto on the last word. ”What’s cooler than parachuting?”

”Alex!” Luke says, nudging Alex’s leg with his toes. ”Tiebreaker!” 

”They’re both way out of your league,” Alex replies. ”And also at least five years older than you.”

”Well, yeah, obviously” Luke says, taking the sheet of paper back from Reggie, crossing something out. ”But still, hypothetically?”

Alex busies himself with clearing up his stuff, but he can feel the others’ eyes on him. ”Fine, in that case, I guess Robin.”

His heart starts beating faster the moment he says it, he was going to take the easy way out, just picking Sophie or Carmen at random, but he just couldn’t do it.” 

”Who’s Robin?” Reggie asks, confused. ”Oh, is it the blond girl, with a mohawk? She is so cool, but kinda scary.”

Luke’s eyes widen, his mouth forming a silent ”oh”. 

”No, it’s the… ” Alex has to clear this throat. ”It’s the bartender, the redhead.”

Reggie blinks. ”But that’s a guy.” 

”Yeah, yeah he is.” Alex looks between them. ”And I think he’s hot.”

”Even though he’s a guy?”

”Because he’s a guy.” 

”But…”

”I’m gay.” He hasn’t even said the words to himself before, and now when he says them out loud, they seem to echo. 

”Oh!” Reggie says, understanding dawning on his face. He smiles so brightly that Alex is taken aback. ”That’s cool!”

Alex swallows. 

”Alex,” Luke says slowly. ”You do know that’s cool, right.” 

Not trusting his voice, Alex just nods. 

Luke’s face softens, as he puts his guitar to the side. He walks over to Alex and sits down next to him on the floor, wrapping his arms tightly around him in a side hug. ”It’s completely fine, Alex.”

Reggie sits down too, cross-legged in front of Alex, putting his hands on Alex’s shins. ”Totally,” he says, his eyes wide and earnest. ”We love you no matter what.” 

Alex sniffles slightly. ”Yeah?” he says. He doesn’t mean for it to come out as a question, but it does.

”Of course!” 

”And hey,” Luke says. ”I mean, Robin is really cute.”

”Well, yeah,” Reggie says, ”redheads are the best. But, does he parachute? I don’t think so.”

Alex burst out laughing as Luke rolls his eyes. 

”Seriously, Reg, what is this sudden obsession with parachuting?” His arm is still around Alex, and Reggie smiles as Alex tangles his legs with his, while explaining how jumping out of an airplane is the most awesome thing a person can do, and Alex finds himself relaxing for the first time in months. 

* * *

”Don’t stick that thing in my eye!”

”I’m not going to stick it in your eye.”

”Are you sure? It looks very pointy!”

”And that’s exactly why I’m not going to stick it in your eye!” Luke is kneeling in front of Reggie, and he leans back on his heels. He makes sure to pout a tiny bit. ”Don’t you trust me?”

Reggie looks conflicted. ”Yes! But still, it’s seriously pointy.”

”Reginald, calm down. Girls do this all the time.”

”Girls don’t get enough credit.” Reggie takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. ”Right. Let’s get this over with.” 

Luke frowns. ”I think you’re supposed to keep your eyes a bit open.”

Reggie’s eyes fly open. ”Are you insane?”

”It’ll be fine,” Luke says, with way more confidence than he’s actually feeling. He swipes Reggie’s hair away from his forehead and places his thumb gently on his brow, and then carefully leans in. Reggie is right, the eyeliner pencil does look very sharp. He holds his breath as he meticulously draws the black line along the edge of Reggie’s eyelid, and notices Reggie doing the same. He squints, trying to match Reggie’s second eye to the first, with a questionable result. 

Reggie opens his eyes fully and blinks a couple of times against the light before looking right at Luke. 

”How does it look?”

It looks kind of hot, is Luke’s first thought, and quickly lowers his eyes, trying to find the cap for the eyeliner, hot but weird, and he is torn between wanting to laugh but maybe also suddenly wanting to lick Reggie’s face a little. ”It’s a bit crooked, sorry. Art is not my best subject.”

Reggie turns to Alex. ”What do you think?”

Alex blinks and looks a bit startled. He coughs. Luke knows the feeling.

”Not bad.”

Reggie jumps to his feet and heads into the bathroom. 

”What have you done?” Alex mouths to Luke, and Luke shrugs helplessly.

”Wow! I look like a pirate! It’s awesome!”

As it turns out, Reggie’s eyeliner phase only lasts for about a week. Then he misplaces the pencil and can’t be bothered to replace it. Luke doesn’t know whether to mourn it or to be relieved. 

* * *

Alex needs to get out of the house. He doesn’t care that it’s the middle of the night, because the walls are closing in on him and he just can’t breathe. He doesn’t even really know where he’s going, his heart is pounding and his thoughts are swirling, but his feet do what his brain can’t, and he finds himself outside the studio. 

He unlocks the garage door and heads inside, fumbling for the light switch as he closes the door behind him. When the light turns on, he almost jumps out of his skin, because there’s someone on the couch and the person is moving, and oh. It’s Reggie. 

Reggie sits up, the blanket falling down to his waist. 

”What the fuck?” Alex exclaims. ”You scared the life out of me!”

”I’m not the one barging in on people in the middle of the night,” Reggie says, squinting against the light. ”I was just sleeping.”

”Why are you sleeping here?”

Reggie shrugs. ”I forgot my backpack. I was almost home when I realized, so I turned back around and figured it was easier to just stay here.” 

”Really?” Alex doesn’t have the energy to figure that logic out. ”Okay.”

”Are _you_ okay?” Reggie asks, when Alex doesn’t move away from the door. 

”No,” Alex says, because he’s tired and upset and so far from okay. 

”Alex,” Reggie says, at once more alert, and Alex drops his jacket on the floor, walks over to the couch and slumps down by Reggie’s feet. 

”I told my parents,” he says, kicking off his shoes and sliding in under the blanket, and woah, Reggie’s legs are bare. He hesitates. ”You are wearing underwear, right?”

Reggie splutters. ”Of course I’m wearing underwear! We all use this couch!” He looks affronted as Alex makes himself comfortable. ”Told your parents what?”

And Alex just loves him so much in that moment. For the past few months he’s felt like he’s been walking around with a giant neon sign on his forehead, spelling out ”GAY” in bright pink letters. At least he knows that that isn’t the first thing Reggie sees when he looks at him. 

”That I’m gay.” Reggie’s toes are cold against his arm. Reggie’s always cold. ”They didn’t take it well.”

Reggie grows still. ”Did they kick you out?” he asks quietly, his fingers worrying the fringe of the blanket. 

”Oh, no, it was all very civilized. It’s just that they don’t agree with my choices, and they’re sure it’s just a phase, and I just haven’t met the right girl yet.” Alex has to look away, because something is glittering in Reggie’s eyes, and he absolutely won’t let himself cry over this. ”I just needed to get out of there, just for tonight.”

”That sucks,” Reggie says after a few seconds of silence, and Alex snorts because yes, that does rather sum it up nicely. 

”Do you mind sharing?” he asks, indicating the blanket. 

Reggie shakes his head. ”The couch does fold out into a bed,” he offers. 

Alex groans and stretches his legs out along the length of the couch. That sounds like too much work. ”Can we just take one end each. I promise not to stick my feet in your face.” 

”Sure,” Reggie says easily, patting Alex’s ankle. He gets up to turn the lights off, and when he returns he lies down on the outside of Alex. It’s a snug fit, but it’s kind of nice. 

Reggie giggles suddenly.

”What?”

”Sorry, it wasn’t funny.”

Alex elbows him in the knee. ”Come on, tell me.”

”Just, this is probably exactly what your parents feared you would do. Leave home to go sleep with a guy.”

Alex smiles despite everything. ”Go to sleep, Reggie.”

Reggie squeezes Alex’s shin gently, and they both fall silent. It’s much later when Reggie speaks again.

”Hey, Alex.”

Alex is still wide awake, going through the time tables in his head, just to keep thoughts of his parents at bay. ”Yeah?”

”I’m sorry about your parents. You’re the best person I know, and if they can’t see that, it’s their loss.”

Alex sniffles, and tries to cover it up with a cough. ”Thanks, Reg,”

”Sure.” Reggie pokes his toes against Alex’s shoulder. ”Anytime.”

He must have fallen asleep eventually, because he wakes up at the sound of the microwave beeping and Reggie cursing as he takes a mug out of it.

”Sorry! I didn’t mean to wake you. I was just heating water for coffee, and I’ve never actually noticed before how loud the microwave is. Do you want some?” He holds up the mug. 

Alex sits up and shakes his head. He doesn’t drink coffee, and he had no idea that Reggie did either. He watches as Reggie spoons instant coffee into the mug, stirring it in. 

”You can use my toothbrush, if you want. I mean that’s pretty gross, but not brushing your teeth is also gross, so. And there are Pop-Tarts, if you’re hungry. There’s no toaster of course, but the microwave works.”

Reggie moves around, putting the coffee back in the box that Alex has never really noticed before, putting his things back into his backpack. It seems to be a way too familiar routine. 

”Reggie,” Alex says, growing suspicious. ”How often do you sleep here?” 

Reggie keeps his back to him. ”What do you mean?”

”Seriously? After everything I told you last night?”

Sighing, Reggie turns around, leaning against the counter. 

”Every now and then.”

”So you just pretend to leave when the rest of us do? And then come back?”

”It’s just…” Reggie takes a sip of coffee, making a slight face at the taste. ”My dad is working a different shift now, so he comes home in the middle of the night, and they can’t go a day without fighting, so they just start when he gets home, and it’s impossible to get any sleep.”

Reggie’s parents have been fighting for as long as Alex has known him, but lately Reggie hasn’t mentioned it. 

”I thought it was getting better at home,” Alex says. 

Reggie shrugs. ”It was. And then it got worse again.” 

”Why wouldn’t you just tell us?” 

”Because you’d offer me to stay with either of you, and then your parents would find out and it would just lead to more mess than it’s worth. I’m fine here, honestly.” Reggie sits down next to him, leaning against him for just a moment. ”Don’t tell Luke.”

”Reggie…”

”Please. You know how he gets.” 

Alex sighs, putting his arm around Reggie’s shoulders, giving him a tight squeeze. ”Just… let me know if you need anything.” 

”Of course,” Reggie says, smiling. Then he moves away again, and Alex can’t help wondering how long Reggie’s been lying. 

* * *

”Guys, come on!” Luke wheedles, his guitar around his neck, plugged in and ready. He bounces on his feet, itching to get going.

”Not done yet,” Reggie mumbles. He erases the numbers he’s just written and starts writing again, only to throw the pencil down in frustration. ”I’ll never be done.”

Alex takes the notebook from him, frowning. ”No, it’s fine, you’re on the right track.” He gives it back, picks up Reggie’s pencil and hands it to him. 

”It’s just math,” Luke says, seeing valuable rehearsal time wasting away. ”It’s not like we’re ever gonna use it.”

”Some of us care about our grades, Luke,” Alex says patiently. 

”Why? We’re gonna be famous, guys, our grades won’t matter.”

”Things are already bad at home, and failing math won’t exactly help that situation.”

It’s unusually sharp, coming from Reggie, and Luke is taken aback. Alex glares wordlessly at him. Alex has been weird about Reggie lately, Luke doesn’t know what’s going on there, and he doesn’t like that. He puts down his guitar. 

”Hey, I’m sorry, Reg. I didn’t mean anything.” He sits down next to Reggie on the floor, leaning into him. 

Luke just gets frustrated sometimes. He knows that Sunset Curve is going to be huge, there’s not a doubt in his heart. Ever since the beginning, his vision has been absolutely clear. Anything but success is not even on the horizon. Who could blame him for not focusing on other things. He doesn’t see the meaning of history class, when he knows he will be making history himself, with his band. What’s the point of biology or math or physics, when all he’s going to do for the rest of his life is to make music? He knows that they will make it, how could they not? When every song writing session, every rehearsal, every gig makes his heart beat faster than anything else. When he looks at Alex and Reggie and Bobby and just knows that it’s right. What they have together is special, it’s meant to be. 

He doesn’t understand why the others can’t see it. And he doesn’t know how to _make_ them see it. 

He puts his head on Reggie’s shoulder, his hand on his knee in a wordless apology. Alex raises his eyebrows, unimpressed, but Reggie relaxes against him, his eyes still on his work. 

”Half an hour,” Reggie murmurs, and Luke nods, his fingers absentmindedly edging under the torn fabric of the jeans Reggie’s wearing. Somehow, he’ll figure out a way to make them see. 

* * *

”Hey, Reg,” Alex says, casually, as he’s about to leave for the night, staying behind after Luke left. ”I’m going to do laundry when I get home, is there anything you…”

Reggie instantly flushes red. He hasn’t been home for a few days, and it’s starting to show. Or, smell, rather. He thought he had it under control, but apparently not.

”Is that a nice way of telling me I stink? I should get home, I know, but I…”

”No,” Alex says. ”You shouldn’t go home if you don’t feel you can. And that’s why I asking you if I can help you with your laundry.”

”Yeah, okay,” Reggie says reluctantly. ”That would be great, thanks.” He pulls out out a few items of clothing from his backpack, and stuffs them into the bag Alex is holding out for him. He hesitates a second before taking off his flannel, stuffing it into there too. Left in only a white tank top, he immediately wraps his arms around himself, and looks around for his jacket. 

Alex puts the bag down, and pulls his hoodie over his head, handing it to Reggie. 

”Dude,” he says, when Reggie shakes his head. ”I run hot, you know that.” 

Reggie puts the hoodie on. It’s too big for him, and the sleeves almost cover his hands.

Alex bursts out laughing. ”You look about five years old. Do you need me to tuck you into bed before I leave? Maybe bring you your teddy?”

”You’re so hilarious,” Reggie calls after him as he leaves. He keeps the hoodie on while he sleeps, though. It’s warm, and it smells like Alex’s shampoo. Which is probably a nice one, considering how fussy Alex is about his hair. 

”Reggie,” Alex says as he arrives the next morning, in the tone of voice Reggie has come to recognize as Alex on the verge of losing patience with the rest of them. Or just with Reggie. Mostly just with Reggie. ”How long have you had this flannel?” 

”I don’t know? A year, a year and a half?”

”And have you washed it at all in that year?”

”Of course I have!”

”Then how,” Alex says loudly, zipping open his jacket to reveal a pale pink t-shirt ”did this happen?”

Reggie looks from the t-shirt to Alex’s face, back to the t-shirt. It’s just a t-shirt. 

”I don’t get it.”

”I washed your stupid flannel with some of my stuff, and now everything is pink!”

”Dude,” Luke says, shaking his head as he enters the garage. ”You don’t mix red and white in the wash. Everyone knows that.”

”He’s had the thing for forever!” Alex exclaims, throwing the flannel at Reggie, who catches it gratefully. It’s his favorite. ”I didn’t think it would still run in the wash!”

”Well, it’s clearly a potent shirt,” Reggie says. ”Just like me.” He doesn’t know why he says that, and he fully agrees with the disgusted face Alex makes.

”I don’t see the problem,” he continues. ”Your t-shirt is pink. It still looks nice.” 

”I can’t wear pink,” Alex says. ”It’s just too obvious.”

”What?” Reggie says, but then it dawns on him. ”Oooh! Because of the gay thing?”

”Yes, Reggie, because of the gay thing.”

”It’s just a color!” Luke exclaims. ”Did you not grow up in the eighties like the rest of us? Do you want to see the photos of ten-year-old me in tiny pink shorts and a crop top?”

”I do!” Reggie says, raising his hand, because he really, really wants too. 

”I don’t see either of you wearing it now!” Alex insists, and Reggie wants to ask him why he even bothered putting the t-shirt on if he didn’t want to wear it, but he has a feeling it wouldn’t help things. 

”Reggie only wears black, white and red,” Luke says, clearly getting impatient with the conversation. Reggie nods, because it’s true. Other colors give him a headache. ”As for me, pink is a warm color, and I’m much better suited to cool colors.” 

”What?” he mutters as the others stare at him. ”It’s color theory. Mom is like, really into it. Point is Alex, you look totally hot in pink, you should wear it more. Can we rehearse now?” 

Alex looks slightly stunned, and waves away Reggie’s offers of replacing the clothes, as they get ready to rehearse. And if Alex wears pink the next day too, no-one says anything about it.

* * *

Luke knows that Alex likes to think of himself as a perceptive guy, but when Luke kisses him, he’s taken entirely by surprise. Luke draws back, and can’t help feeling a little bit smug when he notices Alex’s eyes are closed. 

”What was that?”

”Alex, I know you’re new at this, but…”

Alex splutters. ”I’m not new… I…” he pushes Luke away. ”Is this some kind of joke to you?”

”No, Alex, I just wanted to…” Luke doesn’t know how to express it. Alex means the world to him, and he just hates the fact that there’s a part, a huge part, of Alex’s life that he’s suddenly not part of. And once he started thinking about kissing Alex, he couldn’t get the thought out of his head. 

”I just wanted to kiss you.”

”You’re not gay, though.”

Luke shrugs. ”Do I have to be?”

”I’m pretty sure it helps!” Alex splutters, his voice breaking on the last words. 

”I like you. Isn’t that enough?”

”It isn’t that simple.” Alex starts pacing up and down Luke’s tiny bedroom.

”Why not? Come on, Alex.” He decides to play dirty. ”I’ve seen you looking.”

”You absolutely have not.” Luke hasn’t, at least not that he’s sure about, but even though Alex’s voice is dry, his ears are turning red, which makes Luke grin. 

”So you don’t think I’m hot?”

”Your ego does not need more fuel.” 

Luke steps closer again. He reaches out to grab hold of the sleeve of Alex’s t-shirt, to try to stop him moving, and then runs his fingers down Alex’s arm. 

”So. You like me, and you think I’m hot. I like you, and I think you’re hot. What’s the problem?”

”Luke,” Alex says, but follows Luke’s fingers with his eyes. ”It’s not something you can just decide.”

”Why not?”

”Because I spent months wondering if this was me, or if it was just a phase, and then when I finally accepted that no, I was not going to start liking girls, then I had to start figuring out how to tell people, wondering if things would be different, and if people would hate me, and…” he breaks off, and stands still, running out of steam. ”It’s not fair, Luke.”

”I know,” Luke says, because it probably isn’t, because he hasn’t thought at about it all. All he knows is that he likes Alex, and he wants to kiss him, and he wants to make him happy. 

”What if we fuck things up?” 

”We won’t,” Luke says, because if there’s one thing he’s certain of, it’s Alex and Reggie. ”Just give me a chance.”

He pulls Alex closer again, keeping his eyes locked on Alex’s, and doesn’t miss when Alex’s gaze flicker down to his lips. This time when Luke kisses him, Alex kisses him back. 

* * *

Alex says ”hey, Reg,” in that tone of voice that means ”we have to talk about something”, and Reggie tenses because that rarely means anything good. 

Alex sits down next to him, but isn’t looking at him when he says ”Luke kissed me.”

Reggie blinks. 

Alex glances at him, and then quickly away again. ”I also kissed him. I mean, we kissed each other. Pretty much.” 

”Yeah,” Reggie says, swallowing his confusion. ”That’s usually how kissing works.”

”I didn’t want you to think we were keeping anything from you.”

Reggie clears his throat. ”When?” he asks, even though he really wants to ask why and how and why not… He stops that train of thought. 

”Last night.”

”I didn’t know you liked him.”

”It’s Luke,” Alex says as if that explains everything, which to be fair it pretty much does.

”So, now what? Are you two, like, together?”

”I don’t know. No? I mean, it probably didn’t mean much. It’s Luke, he just… gets enthusiastic sometimes.”

And that is true, but Reggie knows that Luke would never do something like this on a whim. Not with Alex.

”You’re an idiot if you think Luke doesn’t care,” he says, and it comes out too harshly. He nudges Alex’s shoulder gently, to soften his words. ”Luke cares about music, and about us. And not necessarily in that order.”

”Maybe,” Alex says, sounding unconvinced. ”It won’t change anything else, though. With the band, I mean.”

”Sure,” Reggie says, trying out a smile. ”Of course not.”

But still, he can’t stop watching them, for any sign of tearing. They’re the same as always though, apart from Luke maybe touching Alex even more than before. 

Oh, and the kissing. Not that they tend to kiss in front of him, in fact they actively seem to try to avoid that. It’s just that suddenly there seems to be a need for boundaries, when there wasn’t before. 

”Are you okay with this?” Bobby asks him, as they hurriedly close the door to the tiny dressing room backstage at Mickey’s after walking in on Alex and Luke kissing. 

Reggie shrugs. ”Why wouldn’t I be okay with it?”

”It’s just, the three of you, I figured you came in a pack. Like pieces of a puzzle.”

”That’s a pretty easy puzzle, with only three pieces.”

”Well,” Bobby says with a grin. ”None of you are exactly complex.” He laughs as Reggie swats at him. ”But seriously, Luke and Alex…”

”It’s fine,” Reggie interrupts him, because he’s not sure where this conversation is going and he doesn’t like that. ”If they’re happy, I’m happy.” 

And he doesn’t have time to reflect on that, because the door opens and Alex stumbles out, blushing and apologizing, trying to smooth his hair down, followed by Luke who laughs and and hugs Reggie from behind, resting his chin on Reggie’s shoulder, and Reggie just doesn’t even know what anymore. 

* * *

Some Saturday mornings Alex regrets the fact that he’s in a band. It would be so easy just to stay in bed and sleep the day away. Instead he gets up, still half asleep, showers, grabs some breakfast and heads to the studio. Luke, who’s always the most eager and somehow still always the last to show up is actually on time this morning, shouting Alex’s name from further down the street, interrupting him as he’s about to open the garage door. 

”I had this killer idea for a melody last night,” Luke says, his hands grabbing onto Alex’s shoulders as he follows him into the studio. ”I just don’t know how to start it, but the middle goes a bit like” he hums a few notes, and walks straight into Alex. ”Dude, what?” 

Usually, when Alex arrives, Reggie is already there. Alex has stopped asking if he’s spent the night or not, knowing Reggie is always reluctant to answer. If he has, the evidence of it is always cleared away. 

This morning, however, Reggie is still on the couch, blanket pulled over him, face pressed into the back of the couch. The only part of him visible is his hair, and there’s no sign of him hearing them come in.

”Reggie?” Alex asks, his stomach suddenly in knots, because something about this feels wrong. 

”Reggie!” Luke exclaims, spotting him over Alex’s shoulder, and at that Reggie reacts and turns his head towards them. 

He blinks, as if just waking up, and sits up slowly. ”Hey, guys.”

Luke frowns. ”Did you sleep here?”

”Yeah, I forgot my backpack last night, so I had to go back, and once I was here I figured it was just easier to stay.” It’s pretty much the exact same lie he told Alex those weeks ago. Alex believed him then, and Luke believes him now. 

”I might start doing that myself,” Luke says, peeling off his jacket. ”That would save a lot of time.”

Reggie glances at Alex, and then quickly away again. 

”I was just telling Alex about this song I started on last night,” Luke continues, as he plugs in his guitar, checking the settings on the amp. ”I just need a beginning, and you’re so good at that.” He throws himself down on the couch next to Reggie and Reggie lets out a choked whimper, his arm coming round to protect his ribs. 

Luke instantly moves back, startled. ”What?”

Reggie smiles tightly and shakes his head. ”Sorry, I must have slept weirdly. This couch is not made for sleeping on.”

Luke frowns. ”Why are you lying. You’re obviously hurt.”

”It’s nothing,” Reggie insists, and tries to move away as Luke grabs hold of his tank top, but he’s not fast enough, and he winces again when Luke pulls it up to reveal the purple bruise covering the side of his torso. 

Luke inhales abruptly and Alex wants to throw up, because he should have seen this coming, he knew that things were bad, but still he didn’t expect this and…

”Who did this,” Luke says, his voice quiet but sharp. 

”It was an accident.”

”If it was an accident you wouldn’t be lying about it.”

”I just got in the way.”

”In the way of what? A fist?” 

”No!”

”Did your parents do this?” Alex finally finds his voice.

”What?” Luke looks between Alex and Reggie. ”I thought it was getting better at home. You stopped mentioning…” he breaks off. He looks to Alex. ”Did you know?”

Alex ignores him and sits down on the other side of Reggie, careful not to jostle him.

”They were fighting,” Reggie says. He doesn’t look at either of them as he’s speaking and he’s twisting the ring on his finger, his grandfather’s wedding ring that he confessed stealing from the house after he’d passed away. ”It was really bad this time, and I got worried something would happen. I just wanted them to stop, so I stepped between them. Dad shoved me and I fell against the kitchen counter.” He draws a shaky breath. ”He didn’t mean it, I probably shouldn’t have got…”

”Reggie,” Luke interrupts. ”There is absolutely nothing about this situation that is your fault, you have to know that, right.”

Reggie nods. 

”Do you need to go the hospital?” Alex asks gently. ”What if your ribs are broken?”

”They’re not,” Reggie says. ”I broke my ribs once when I was a kid, this is nothing compared to that. It’s just a bruise.”

”Right,” Luke says. ”Get up, we need to unfold the couch.”

”Why?” Reggie says, as he accepts Alex’s help to rise. He cringes as he gets up, and Alex refuses to let go of his hand. Reggie raises his eyebrows, and Alex just stares back, tightening his hold. ”Shouldn’t we start? What about that melody you needed to work on?”

”We are not rehearsing,” Luke says, aggressively folding out the couch. 

Reggie blinks. ”The only time you’ve ever cancelled band practice was two years ago, when Alex broke his wrist.”

”And only after you made me try to play the drums one-handed,” Alex points out lightly, but he’s never been as grateful for Luke as he is right now.

”Did you get any sleep?” Luke asks Reggie. 

”Not really.”

”Exactly. We’re taking a nap.” He glares at Reggie, until Reggie lies down in the middle of the bed. Luke gently places the blanket over him, and gets in beside him, curling into him. They both look at Alex expectantly until he does the same.

”And after that, we’ll figure out what to do about this.” Reggie nods at Luke’s words, and Alex grabs Luke’s hand, intertwining their fingers, letting them rest on Reggie’s hip. 

”Reg,” Luke says, a few minutes later, his voice quiet. ”How did you break your ribs as a kid?” 

Alex inhales, because it didn’t even occur to him, and oh, god. 

But Reggie snorts, and then immediately groans at the pain. ”It was at my grandpa’s house. There was a jar of cookies, that I was not supposed to be touching before dinner. But I wanted cookies, so I climbed up on a chair. Only, I was still too short, so I stacked a bunch of cookbooks on it, and then tried to climb up it, and the whole thing toppled over. I ate like, seven cookies before I realized how badly it hurt and I started crying.” 

”That does sound like you,” Luke says, fondly. 

”The cookies were totally worth it, though.”

”That isn’t…” Alex sighs, moving a tiny bit closer to Reggie, just because he can. ”Okay.”

* * *

Reggie is taking some air outside Mickey’s when Luke comes up behind him and wraps his arms around his chest, resting his chin on Reggie’s shoulder. Reggie puts his hands over Luke’s and tilts his head toward him.

”You okay?” 

Luke tends not to be very vocal when he’s upset or worried about something, but he does get more clingy than normal. Luke hums in agreement, but tightens his grip slightly. Reggie leans back against him, letting him know it’s okay. 

”That riff you came up with during Now or Never tonight was awesome,” he says. 

”Yeah? I mean, I know we said we shouldn’t improvise during shows, but I was just really feeling it!” Luke’s breath is warm against his neck. 

”Dude, you rocked, improvise all you want!” 

They stand like that for a while, Reggie hardly daring to move. 

”Is everything okay?” he asks finally, when Luke shows no signs of letting go. 

”My parents think I’m focusing too much on the band and not enough on my grades.” 

It’s hardly a surprise, and it’s not exactly unfounded. But Luke has never really been bothered about it before, so it must be getting worse. Reggie’s finding it hard to focus on it, though, when Luke’s hair is tickling his neck. 

Luke is always touching him. A hand on his shoulder, an arm around his neck, a gentle nudge against his hip. Reggie has never had a problem with it, it has never felt anything but natural, because it’s just Luke, and Luke has no sense of personal space. But now Reggie is never quite comfortable returning the gesture. Because there is a line, a line between Luke and Reggie, who are friends, and Luke and Alex, who are something more than friends, even if no-one has actually qualified it. Reggie just isn’t sure where that line is, and what’s on the other side of it. Sometimes, like now, or when Luke flops down on the sofa and rests his head in Reggie’s lap, Reggie wonders if even Luke is sure.

* * *

Alex gets drunk on New Year’s Eve. He doesn’t really mean to, and it’s a stupid thing to do because they have a gig the next day, but they’re at a party thrown by one of Bobby’s friends and there’s a lot of alcohol. And it’s only a week since Christmas, which was a miserable few days cooped up with his family, and Alex is seventeen and tired of being responsible so he drinks too much, and talks Luke into joining him, because Luke is always up for anything. They avoid Reggie throughout the night, because Reggie doesn’t drink, ever. He’s never mentioned why, but it’s not hard to figure out. 

Once the party’s dying down, it’s hard to hide, and Reggie and Bobby finds them sitting on the fire escape stairs. Alex is fascinated by the fact that his vertigo seems to diminish the more he drinks. Luke is half asleep, his head on Alex’s shoulder. 

”Reggie!” Alex exclaims, and immediately shushes himself, petting Luke’s hair soothingly. 

”You ready to head out?” Reggie asks. He has an odd expression on his face as he watches Luke snore into Alex’s sweater. Alex can’t figure out what it means. He used to think that Reggie’s face was an open book, but he’s starting to question that.

”I’m very not sober, right now,” he whispers loudly, and Reggie snorts. 

”Yeah, I can see that. Lucky for you that I am.”

”You’re the best,” Alex says gratefully, and shoves Luke in Bobby’s direction.

Bobby is sober too, because Bobby is responsible and Bobby got a tiny unreliable car for Christmas and drove them to the party and Bobby is pretty awesome. 

”Thanks, buddy,” Bobby says and Alex is momentarily amazed by his mind-reading skills, until he realizes that he probably said all that out loud. 

He falls asleep in the car, waking up only when Bobby parks outside the garage. It’s a good call, he tells Bobby loudly, neither he nor Luke are in any shape to go home. 

He watches Bobby and Reggie talking, as Luke tries to fold out the couch. Reggie is shaking his head and Bobby gives him a hug goodbye before getting into his car. 

Reggie heads inside, just as Luke collapses on the bed, pulling Alex down with him. 

Alex scoots over, making room for Reggie, because Reggie looks cold. He holds out his hand until Reggie rolls his eyes and lies down next to him. Alex sighs contently. 

”You have the cutest nose,” he informs Reggie, solemnly, because it’s important that Reggie knows this.

He leans in to kiss Reggie’s cute nose, but Reggie moves and the kiss ends up at the corner of his mouth instead. It’s nice, and Alex kind of wants to try that again, but Reggie moves away swiftly.

”You probably won’t even remember this in the morning.”

Alex does remember it the next morning, as he’s throwing up in the waste basket someone thoughtfully placed next to the couch. Most prominently he remembers the way Reggie smiled when he told him that, almost wistfully. 

He feels he should apologize, but Reggie is his usual cheerful self when he turns up with breakfast for them, laughing when they complain about the smell of the food. He doesn’t mention it, so Alex doesn’t either. 

* * *

This… thing with Luke, Alex is honestly not sure what to call it, is confusing. It’s so many things, fun and exhilarating and comforting, but mostly it’s confusing. It feels right in a way, because he does love Luke, and he can’t deny that Luke is attractive. But there’s just something that isn’t there.

Nothing has actually changed. Apart from the fact that they’re now making out every chance they get, which is so good, it’s brilliant, but other than that their relationship is exactly as it was before. Alex doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but he can’t help but feeling that there should be something… more. 

”Like what?” Luke asks, when Alex tries to explain this to him. 

”I don’t know. I haven’t got anything to compare it to.” He shifts away from Luke slightly, because it’s hard to focus when Luke is right there, his thigh pressing against Alex’s. ”But shouldn’t being boyfriends mean something more than just being friends?”

”I don’t see the problem,” Luke insists. 

”Luke, why did you even kiss me to begin with?”

Luke frowns. ”I told you then, I like you.”

”Yes, but…” Alex hesitates, but presses on. ”If it had been Reggie who was gay, would you have kissed him instead?” 

Luke blinks, opens his mouth, but doesn’t say anything. And that’s all the answer Alex needs. 

”It isn’t enough, Luke.”

”But I don’t want you to be with anyone else.” Luke seems shocked by his own words as they leave his mouth.

”You can’t manage our lives the way you manage the band, Luke,” Alex says gently. ”I know you mean well, but you just can’t.”

Luke is left speechless at that, and Alex feels bad, even though it needed to be said. He moves closer again, hugging Luke tightly. 

”Still best friends,” he whispers, and Luke nods into his neck.

”Always.”

* * *

”Alex and I broke up. Actually, Alex broke up with me.”

Reggie nods. His adam’s apple moves up and down as he swallows. ”Did you have a fight, or?” 

”No, Alex said there was just something missing.” Luke sighs. ”I don’t know, he’s probably right. We’re better off as friends.” He’s had time to think about it and he knows that Alex is right. Still, that doesn’t stop it from hurting.

”So, you’re still friends, then?”

”Of course, nothing will change that.”

It’s only then he notices Reggie’s fingers twisting the fabric of his flannel, and he silently berates himself. 

”Hey,” he says, grabbing hold of Reggie’s hand. He’s never done that before when Reggie gets anxious, figuring it’s better not to let Reggie know he’s noticed, but he can’t stop himself. 

”We didn’t fight. We’re still friends.”

”It’s not really my business,” Reggie says, pulling on his hand, but Luke refuses to let go. 

”Of course it’s your business. I can’t imagine who it would affect more if we did fight. But I promise, you don’t have to worry about it.” 

Reggie nods rapidly, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve.

”Sorry, it’s stupid.”

”It’s not. Remember that time when when Alex didn’t speak to either of us for a week, after we sent him all those valentines at school? That was miserable.”

”In hindsight, that was a really bad idea.”

”Definitely.” Luke twists the rings on Reggie’s fingers absentmindedly. ”Do I try to manage your lives too much?”

”No?” Reggie says, but Luke can hear the uncertainty in his voice and frowns at him. ”A bit,” Reggie amends. ”I don’t mind it though, you manage my life better than I do, most of the time.”

”I just…” Luke breaks off. ”I just care, you know. I don’t mean to be overbearing.”

”I know,” Reggie says easily. ”Alex knows it too, trust me.

Luke nods, but he can’t shake the feeling that he really messed something up. 

* * *

”Okay, that’s the last time we played a book club,” Luke says as they’re walking back from their latest gig. Bobby’s car can fit all four of them, or it can fit Bobby and their instruments. The instruments usually win.

”I don’t know,” Reggie says. ”Those ladies sure knew their snacks. Canapés are seriously underrated, man.”

”It’s not about the snacks!”

”It’s a little bit about the snacks, though.”

”They kept complaining we were too loud!”

”To be fair, it was in a church hall,” Alex points out. ”And the choir was practicing in the other room.”

”I liked it,” Reggie says. ”Hearing the choir in the background. We should have that on our demo.”

”We are not having Ding Dong Merrily on High on our demo,” Luke says. 

”I’m sure Alex would love a few dongs in the background,” Reggie says and dissolves into laughter at his own joke.

”What?” Alex complains. ”That doesn’t even make sense, it’s…”

”Guys, I’m serious. This isn’t getting us anywhere. We need to try playing outside the more popular clubs again.”

”Last time we didn’t even manage to start playing before the police chased us away!”

”Because they heard us coming! We weren’t stealthy enough.”

”It’s hard to be stealthy with a drum kit, Luke,” Alex says pointedly. 

”Well, if you just listen to me the next time, and play the…”

”I am not playing the tambourine!”

”We could try the beach,” Reggie suggests. ”Less chance of the police catching us there.” 

Luke almost bounces as he walks, throwing his arms around the necks of the other two, smacking a kiss against Reggie’s cheek. ”That’s the spirit! Boys, this is it, I can feel it!”

Two men pass them on the sidewalk, glaring at the three of them, one of them muttering something loudly to the other. 

Alex doesn’t actually hear the words, but he can guess by the looks on their faces and by Luke’s reaction. 

”Hey!” Luke shouts after them. ”Come back and say that to our faces, assholes!”

”Luke…” 

”Cowards!” Luke shouts, starting to move towards them, but Alex reaches out and grabs his arm. 

”Luke, don’t be stupid.”

Luke turns to Alex, his cheeks red with anger. ”We can’t just let them get away with things like that!”

Alex nods, but reaches out and grabs hold of the belt loop in Luke’s jeans with his finger, pulling him closer. 

”I know,” he says quietly. ”But it’s not worth it.” He nods slightly in to the side to get Luke’s attention. 

Reggie is staring down at the ground, his fingers twisting the sleeves of his flannel tied around his waist. 

Luke doesn’t look convinced, but he takes a deep breath. ”Yeah, you’re right.”

”I’m always right,” Alex says lightly. He grabs Reggie’s arm, pulling them both with him. ”Now, what were you saying about the beach?”

”I should have done something,” Reggie says later, from an inflatable mattress beside Alex’s bed. 

For once, Alex has managed to convince Reggie to stay over at his house. His parents are too polite to say no, they’ve known Reggie for years and probably has some idea of his situation at home. They’re not happy about it, though. Alex doesn’t know what they suspect is going on between them, and doesn’t much care anymore. 

”Done what?” 

”Just something. At least Luke said something.”

”Luke tends to do things without thinking, though. I’m not sure that’s something to aspire to. They was twice the size of the three of us combined.”

”Still,” Reggie says, and Alex can hear him fidgeting. ”I wish I didn’t get like that, when…” he breaks off and sighs. ”I just don’t like people fighting.” 

”I know. It’s okay.”

He slides off the bed, down to the mattress. It squeaks loudly as he jostles Reggie for room. 

”If my parents catch us like this, they’ll either kick us out, or force us to get married.”

”I am not marrying you, Alex. You’re making me sleep on the floor. What kind of husband does that?”

”Hey! I’m on the floor with you!” 

He tries to get in a more comfortable position and ends up elbowing Reggie in the ribs. 

”Yeah,” Reggie says as he slings an arm around Alex’s waist and yawns. ”I’m not sure this marriage is going to last.”

* * *

Luke shows up at the studio one day with two plastic bags and his backpack stuffed full of his clothes. 

”Why don’t you have a suitcase like normal people?” Bobby asks when it becomes clear Luke has no wish to discuss the reason why he’s left home. 

”You brought three pairs of shoes, and not a single towel?” Reggie complains, going through Luke’s things. ”I mean, that’s running away from home 101, always bring a towel. Did you at least bring a toothbrush?” He sighs as Luke shakes his head. ”Fine. I’ve already let Alex use mine, I guess you can too.”

Bobby groans. ”Seriously, I can’t deal with the three of you. Absolutely disgusting.”

”Excuse you,” Reggie says, clearing Luke’s things away. He has a system for this by now. Luke clearly doesn’t. ”We’re awesome.”

”Yeah,” Alex says drily, ruffling Luke’s hair as he walks past him. ”It’s not at all weird to share toothbrushes with your friends.”

”Hey!” Reggie frowns. ”You didn’t mind at the time.” It’s not like he wanted to share his toothbrush. It’s his toothbrush. He did it out of the goodness of his heart. He sits down to next to Luke. 

”I’ll even give you first pick of breakfast Pop-Tarts,” he says solemnly. Luke smiles, even if it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

”You’re a star, Reggie.”

They rehearse until three in the morning, Luke making them play the same thing over and over and over again, and not one of them complains. 

* * *

The guy is maybe thirty, tall and good-looking. It doesn’t even occur to Alex at first that the man is flirting with him, not until he leans in, casually touching Alex’s sleeve. Alex is suddenly acutely aware that he’s on his own. He’s against the wall, the man obscuring him from the rest of the room. It’s their first time playing this club, and Alex isn’t sure of the layout of the place. 

A tiny part of him wonders if he should feel flattered, but the rest of him is just very uncomfortable. 

Suddenly Reggie is there, slipping past the man to Alex’s side. He grabs Alex’s hand, interlocking their fingers, and looks at the man defiantly. 

The man smirks. ”Oh, a boyfriend. Cute. I’d be down with that.”

”We’re not interested,” Reggie says shortly. ”We’re on in five. Also, we’re seventeen.” He doesn’t wait for the man to reply, instead pulling Alex with him, away from the corner. 

”What a creep!” he says under his breath, but then he looks at Alex worriedly. ”I mean, you didn’t want to be alone with him, did you?”

”No,” Alex says hurriedly. ”No, he was definitely a creep. Thanks for the rescue.” He squeezes Reggie’s hand. ”That was pretty heroic.”

Reggie flushes red, and he makes a face, as if he suspects he’s being made fun of. 

”Seriously,” Alex insists. Reggie tries to hide a smile. 

”Anytime.”

Alex spots him the man in the audience later, after their set, when he joins Luke and Reggie and Bobby at the edge of the stage. It’s a good audience, and appreciative, but Alex is finding it hard to focus on anything else. The man catches Alex’s eye and leers. Alex steps closer to Reggie, sneaking an arm around his waist as Luke holds up their demo for the audience to see. 

”Creepy dude,” he mutters in Reggie’s ear, and Reggie nods, giving Alex a quick kiss on the cheek. 

Some girls in the audience cheer, for the demo or for the kiss Alex doesn’t know. As Reggie’s arm tightens around him, he finds he doesn’t much care which. 

* * *

Dying is a change, of course. How could it not be? But things don’t actually change as much as Alex expected. Not that he ever really thought about it before it happened. Sure, twenty-five years have passed, and the world around him is amazingly new and accepting in some ways, and in some ways it’s worse than he could ever have imagined. But on a personal level he still spends most of his time in the garage. And he still spends pretty much all of his time with Luke and Reggie. Once they figure out that people can still see them play, it feels sort of like home. Something just falls into place the first time they play with Julie. 

Reggie turns around, beaming at Alex at the drums, nodding his head towards Julie and all Alex can do is laugh, because this is it. For the first time he understands what Luke has being going on about all this time. 

* * *

”We have to find out where he’s going,” Reggie says when Luke leaves the studio with a vague excuse for the third time in as many days. 

”I’m not sure it’s any of our business,” Alex replies. ”Sometimes you just needs some space. I wouldn’t want you following me when I go out.”

”But you don’t look miserable when you come back,” Reggie says. ”Luke does.”

So naturally they follow him, some distance behind, but Luke never turns around or hesitates. It’s a turn to the left, then right, and then right again, and they both realize at the same time where they’re headed. 

”He’s going home,” Reggie says, as they slow their steps. ”Why wouldn’t he just tell us that?”

Alex shrugs, feeling increasingly bad about intruding on Luke’s privacy. 

”Is that his parents?” Reggie asks later, as they hide in the garden, watching a man and a woman moving around the kitchen. ”They look so old.” 

”Twenty-five years,” Alex says, quietly. ”And their son died.” 

Reggie looks at him, biting his lip, distress clear on his face, and Alex pointedly doesn’t think about his own parents.”

”At least his house is still there,” Reggie says, but doesn’t even sound like he’s convincing himself.

Luke just stands by the wall, not moving, and the expression on his face is one Alex’s never seen before.

”We should leave,” Alex says, and Reggie nods quickly. Alex must have walked this route, from Luke’s house to the studio dozens of times. He tries not to notice how many things has changed. 

”Do you want to go see your parents?” Reggie asks, eventually. 

”Not really,” Alex says honestly, because he doesn’t. ”What about you? I thought you did, but you haven’t mentioned it since we discovered your house was turned into a bike shack.”

Reggie shrugs. ”I was just missing home. Turns out I was missing the house more than the people.” 

Alex nods. 

”I almost feel bad for not feeling bad, you know?” Reggie continues. ”Like, they’re my parents, and I do care. But also, they just weren’t very good at being parents, I think. And then I hang out with Ray, and realize that, wow, it really wouldn’t have been that hard for them not to be shitty.” Reggie looks at Alex and huffs a laugh. 

”I mean, if you told Ray you were gay, he would probably decorate the entire house in rainbows and join some kind of organization for parents of gay kids.” He stops himself and laughs again, a little sheepishly. ”That is, if he was your dad. And he could see you.”

”No, I get it,” Alex says quietly. 

”Still,” Reggie says, shrugging. ”We turned out okay, everything considered.”

Alex throws his arm around Reggie’s shoulders, drawing him closer as they walk. ”Sure. I mean, we did die from eating bad hot dogs, which definitely sounds like something neglected kids do, but yeah, other than that, we turned out okay.”

* * *

”What was your dad like in high school?” Reggie asks, sitting down next to Julie on the piano bench. 

”Why?”

He shrugs. ”He must have been about our age when we died. I was just wondering if we could have been friends.” It’s not as if he’s asking because he suddenly wants to know everything about Ray, including his favorite color, if he likes yoghurt, his feelings on country music and whether or not he was afraid of the dark as a kid. 

Julie cocks her head, playing a few random chords. ”He was a bit of a geek, I think. And arty. He always says that mom was the coolest person he’d ever met, and that he was amazed she even spared him the time. So no, I don’t think you’d moved in the same circles.” She looks at Reggie. ”What circles did you move in, anyway?”

”None, really. It was always just Luke and Alex and me.” After he met them, he never really felt he needed anyone else. 

His fingers chase Julie’s over the keys, finding harmonies to her melodies. He hasn’t really played the piano since he was a kid, but it’s fun, realizing that he still remembers the basics.

Julie watches him with a bright smile. ”Who taught you how to play?”

”My granddad. I used to spend a lot of time at his place when I was little. He died when I was ten.”

”What about your parents?”

He shrugs. ”They didn’t care much either way, I think. They weren’t really into music. I wasn’t either, after granddad died.” 

She nods. ”Until Alex and Luke?”

”Yeah, pretty much.” 

”So, a bit like me, then? When I met you guys?”

”Huh,” Reggie says, because that hasn’t occurred to him before. ”I guess so. That’s pretty cool.”

”Pretty cool,” Julie agrees with a smile. 

* * *

Luke poofs into Julie’s room. He knows he isn’t supposed to, and he’s gotten better at actually knocking on the door, honestly, but he has this snippet of a melody in his head, and he needs Julie to hear it right now, and there’s not a moment to spare. 

She’s on the bed, her homework spread out around her, and she glares up at Luke when he appears in front of her. 

”I know, I know,” he says, holding his hands up placatingly, ”I’ll knock the next time, but you need to hear this, and…” he trails off as he hears the music coming from her phone. It hasn’t ceased to amaze him yet, the fact that pretty much every single piece of music in the world is available at his fingertips. This song though, is too familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. 

Julie quickly taps her phone, and the music stops. 

”That was Crooked Teeth,” he says, his eyes frozen on the phone. ”That was Bobby.”

”I’m sorry,” Julie says. She moves her books to the side, and stuffs the phone in the pocket of her sweater. Then she takes a deep breath and looks up at Luke. ”Look, I know what he did was terrible, but his music has always meant a lot to me.”

”It isn’t his music!” Luke says at the same time Julie continues

”It reminds me of my mom.”

Luke winces, instantly hit with how selfish he’s being. He sits down next to Julie on the bed with a sigh. 

”Julie… I didn’t… I know how important music is. I never meant to make you feel bad for listening to him.”

”I know,” she says. 

”I just don’t understand how he could do something like that. We were friends. We were a band.” He realizes as he says it that the words probably aren’t completely fair. ”It probably wasn’t that easy for him, though. I mean, me and Alex and Reggie, we’re pretty close.”

”Really?” Julie says, deadpan. ”I hadn’t noticed.”

He elbows her lightly and she laughs. 

”So,” she says. She draws her legs up to her chest, hugging her knees. ”The song. Is it about Alex or Reggie?”

”Both.” Luke says. ”They’re just…” He breaks off, remembering when he wrote it, early in the days of Sunset Curve, at a time when Alex was still twisting himself out of shape trying to please his parents, and Reggie was jumping at shadows. ”Alex gets anxious about not being good enough, and Reggie doesn’t know how brave he is. And there’s was no one to tell them differently.”

”There was you.”

Luke grimaces. ”I’m not good at that kind of stuff. So I wrote a song instead. But apparently Reggie thought it was about Alex, and Alex thought it was about Reggie, which just proves my point.” 

”Maybe you should try just telling them, instead,” Julie says kindly. ”None of you are exactly subtle.”

He frowns. ”About what?”

Julie rolls her eyes. ”I have to do homework. Get out of my room.”

”Julie! About what?” But she refuses to answer, and Luke is left trying to figure it out by himself. 

* * *

Reggie knows it’s probably a bit weird, spending as much time with Ray as he does. But Ray is great, and Reggie loves hanging out with him. And he just really needs someone to talk to, and frankly, there isn’t anyone else. Sure, it’s a bit disheartening when Ray takes a phone call or goes to the bathroom in the middle of the conversation, but Reggie likes to think of it as Ray being comfortable enough around him to do just that. Just as if they were family.

”… and he just never wears sleeves, and it’s sort of distracting, you know? I mean, you probably don’t know, since you were married to a woman, and everything, but maybe you do, and good for you. Things seems to be a lot of fluid nowadays, which is great, but confusing, if I’m honest. And then there’s Alex, who is just so…” 

There’s a grunt of pain from the living room, and Reggie looks over to see Alex next to the coffee table, rubbing his shin. Reggie still hasn’t figured out how furniture works when you’re a ghost. They can use pieces of furniture, but they can also walk through them, and clearly walk into them. It makes no sense!

”… sneaky! Alex is just so sneaky, sneaking up on people.”

”Sorry,” Alex says, seemingly embarrassed at being caught listening. ”Didn’t mean to intrude.” He poofs out, and Reggie sighs. 

”See what I mean?” he asks Ray, who hums in agreement. Sure, Ray hums all the time, but still. Reggie’ll take it. 

There’s no denying the fact that it’s fairly one-sided though, which does get old every once in a while. And it feels a bit unfair, that Alex has Willie and Luke has Julie while Reggie has Ray, awesome that he is. It’s not that he wants a ghost friend of his own. He’s perfectly happy with Alex and Luke. He just wish he could be sure they felt the same.

* * *

”No.”

”You’re not listening, if you just…”

”No.”

”Alex.”

”Luke. Luke! Give me back my drumsticks or I swear, I will end you!”

As Alex starts chasing Luke round the garage, Julie looks up from her notebook and removes her headphones. 

”What happened?”

Reggie attempts to shrug where he’s lying on the floor, his base resting on this chest. The weight of it is oddly comforting. 

”Not sure. It started as a discussion on the appropriate number of guitar solos in one song, and then is all kind of spiraled from there. I tuned them out after a while.”

”Huh,” Julie says, as Alex wrestles his drums sticks from Luke, holding them up over his head to stop Luke from reaching them. ”You might have to teach me how to do that if they’re often like this.”

Reggie snorts. ”You should have seen them when they were dating.”

Julie drops her notepad and stares at Alex and Luke. ”You used to date?”

”Oh,” Reggie says, looking up, instantly regretting his words. ”Is that still a secret? I just thought, it seems to be a lot more okay now.”

”It’s not a secret,” Alex says quickly. ”It just isn’t a big deal. It was like two months.”

”Alex!” Luke says, his eyes wide with hurt, grabbing hold of Alex’s hand and holding it against his chest. 

”How can you deny our epic love like that?” He turns to Julie. ”It was totally three months.”

Alex sighs and pulls his hand back. 

”Two months and sixteen days,” Reggie says, quietly. He clears his throat when they all look at him. ”It was two months and sixteen days. Bobby bet me they wouldn’t last three months, so I kept count.” 

Luke scowls. ”Bobby! We should go back and haunt him again. Except, we would never do that, of course", he quickly adds when Julie gives him a pointed stare. 

”And apparently he won the bet,” Alex says.

”Because you broke up with me!” Luke exclaims. ”If you hadn’t, he would have lost.”

”Yes, we should of course have kept our pseudo-relationship going to stop Bobby, who would turn out evil in the future, to win a bet.” 

”I can’t believe you used to date,” Julie says, still looking a bit dazed. ”That makes so much sense.” She looks at Reggie. ”Were they completely unbearable? I bet they were.”

”Completely,” Reggie lies, stuck on what Alex means by pseudo-relationship, as Luke splutters his disagreement. 

* * *

Luke is having a day. Alex is out, Julie’s staying late at school. He’s got a strand of music stuck in his head that he’s not sure if he made up or if he heard it somewhere. 

Reggie’s on Julie’s old phone, playing some sort of game that mainly seems to involve matching up different pieces of candy in lines. Luke doesn’t get the appeal, but Reggie is slightly obsessed with it. 

He curls up on the couch, slowly working his legs behind Reggie’s back. Then he scoots down until he can sneak an arm around Reggie’s waist. His thumb hits a patch of bare skin in between Reggie’s t-shirt and jeans, and Reggie flinches. ”It tickles!”

”Sorry,” Luke says, but keeps his fingers on Reggie’s skin, patiently waiting until Reggie stops squirming. 

”What are you doing?”

”Nothing.”

Reggie puts down the phone and twists his head to look at Luke. ”Do you need me to pay attention to you?”

”No,” Luke says truthfully. ”This is fine.”

Reggie looks at him quietly for a few seconds, before nodding and picking up the phone again. 

Luke knows that he can be too forceful, too fast-moving. But he knows when something is just right, so why not go for it. He knew Sunset Curve was the right thing, they were going to be legendary. He still believes that. The only thing that got in the way were a few bad hot dogs. And he knows that Julie is incredible and that she will be a star, with or without him and the boys. But the four of them together, there’s something special there, something that goes beyond the music. 

And he knows that what he and Alex and Reggie have is something special too. He just isn’t sure exactly what they have. They’re best friends, that goes without saying. But there is something more there too. Like what he had with Alex. Like that feeling he gets when he’s sharing a microphone with Reggie. 

All he knows is that this is the one thing he can’t rush, and it’s driving him crazy. 

Luke stays where he is, his thumb still stroking Reggie’s hip, and eventually Reggie relaxes against him. The chimes and chirps of the game eventually lull him to sleep. 

* * *

Watching Luke prove to Reggie that he has chemistry with everyone he sings with is like watching a train crash in slow motion. Not that Luke ever needed to prove it as far as Alex is concerned. Luke’s had the same connection with Julie, with Reggie, with Bobby. Still, it’s hilarious to see Reggie’s reaction. His blush doesn’t fade for ages. 

Luke heads inside the house to find Julie. Alex keeps his mouth shut and waits for Reggie to find his words. 

”I mean… how does he… why does he..?” Clearly Reggie still hasn’t found them. He flops down on the sofa and looks bewildered at Alex. ”What even was that?”

Alex shrugs. ”Luke, being Luke, I guess.”

”Yeah, but…” Reggie shakes his head and sighs. ”Forget it.” 

He looks at Alex. ”So, what are you going to do about Willie?”

Alex raises an eyebrow, but lets Reggie get away with the subject change. 

”I don’t know if there’s much I can do.” 

He sits down in front of the coach, tilting his head backwards. After a brief hesitation, Reggie takes the hint and runs his fingers through Alex’s hair. 

”Do you want to go find him?

”No. It’s not like I even really know where to look. I guess I don’t really know him at all.”

”He seemed really nice,” Reggie offers. ”And really into you.”

”You're not helping.”

”Sorry.”

”It was just nice to have someone to talk to, about this whole ghost thing.” He leans into Reggie’s hand. ”You seem to be dealing with it so much better than me.”

”I’m just happy the three of us are still together,” Reggie says. ”If we’d still be alive, we’d be over forty now. Who knows if we’d still even be friends.”

”You and I would,” Alex says. ”I’m not sure about Luke. If anyone would have had a fit and left the band, it’s him.”

”Uh huh,” Reggie says, and Alex can hear the smile in his voice. 

”Shut up,” he says, knocking Reggie’s shin with his elbow. ”I’m not the emotional one!” 

”At least we’re clear it wouldn’t have been me.”

Alex tilts his head backwards to look at him. No, it would never have been Reggie. ”Not even for a solo country career?” he still asks. 

”Nah,” Reggie says easily. ”Not worth it.” He tugs gently at Alex’s hair. ”I totally could have, though.”

Alex hums in agreement. ”I could see it. You and a banjo and pair of cowboy boots.” 

”You could join me.”

”Oh, absolutely. That classic combination of banjo and drums.”

”I was thinking you could play the spoons.”

Alex punches his leg, just as Luke poofs into the room.

”Julie kicked me out. Again!” he says, disgruntled, and Alex raises his eyebrows meaningfully at Reggie. Definitely the emotional one. 

* * *

They don’t need to sleep anymore, but they can, and sleeping has always been one of Luke’s favorite activities. It’s not like they can rehearse in the middle of the night anyway, no matter how hard he tries to convince Julie that no one will notice as long as they are really, really quiet. 

”The three of you haven’t been quiet for a minute since I met you!” 

”But we’ll go acoustic!”

”Alex plays the drums, Luke! Drums!” 

The couch is still there, where all three of them have spent so many nights before. Folded out, it comfortably fits two of them. Uncomfortably it fits all three. Julie dug up a spare mattress, along with a whole heap of blankets and pillows, so in theory, there’s no reason for all three of them to sleep on the couch. They always end up doing it anyway. He has no idea why, because it’s a constant struggle. Alex runs hot, Reggie is always cold, and Luke kicks in his sleep. Most of the time they wake up with Reggie curled against the back of the sofa, the covers pulled up tight over his shoulders. Luke is sprawled in the middle, one feet hooked over Reggie’s legs, a hand twisted in Alex’s t-shirt. Alex is on the edge, close to falling off, one hand already on the floor. 

This time Luke wakes up to the sound of giggling. Julie is standing next to the couch, her phone held up in front of her. 

”This is the album cover, right here!”

His first instinct is to tell her that it isn’t what it looks like. But he isn’t sure what it actually does look like. And, if he’s being honest, it probably is exactly what it looks like anyway. 

Julie frowns down at her screen. ”I forgot you don’t show up on camera when we’re not playing. Hey, if we all hum, and you just pretend to sleep, do you think it’ll work?” She swiftly moves out of the way when he hurls a pillow at her, and her laugh causes Alex to wake up and fall out of the bed. Luke snuggles closer to Reggie, ignoring Alex’s complaints, trying for just a few more minutes of sleep.

* * *

The night they play the Orpheum is a whirlwind, to say the least. Once Julie goes to bed, Luke feels relieved and elated and empty all at once. 

”Now what?” Alex says, voicing what they’re all thinking. ”I mean, we’re no longer trapped by Caleb, but we still haven’t figured out our unfinished business. Are we still going to cross over?”

”What if we don’t have the same unfinished business?” Reggie says, a not of worry in his voice. ”I have no idea what mine could be. What if one of us accidentally finishes it, and crosses over, and the others have no idea what happened?”

”It must be the same.” Luke is confident about that. ”We died together. We all arrived here when Julie played our music. If we’re not supposed to see this out together, then it’s just stupid.”

”And I think we’d know,” Alex says. ”There is a connection. We end up together wherever we go.”

”But it isn’t just us, anymore,” Reggie says. ”Alex, you’ve got Willie, and Luke, you and Julie are just…”

”No,” Luke interrupts him. ”We all have Julie. There’s no me and Julie, not like that.”

Reggie shakes his head. ”We’ve already talked about this, what you and Julie have is different.”

”It’s not,” Luke insists. ”It can’t be.” And it’s not like it hasn’t occurred to him, because Julie is wonderful, and if things were different, then maybe, but things are what they are. Julie is fifteen. She will turn sixteen and seventeen and eighteen and twenty and twenty-five and Luke will still be seventeen and a ghost. Or not here at all. ”She deserves the best. I think alive is pretty much the bare minimum.” And still, there would always be Reggie and Alex. 

”And I like Willie,” Alex says. ”But if I had to choose between him and you, there’s no competition.”

”But it doesn’t change the fact that you still have these connections, and I don’t! What if your unfinished business has to do with them, and I’m just left here without you!” Reggie’s face is blotchy, and he won’t meet Luke’s eyes, instead looking down at his hands. 

Luke hates seeing people upset. He never knows what to say. Instead, he leans in, and presses a kiss against Reggie’s temple. Reggie tilts his head, and it’s so easy just to move his lips, just slightly, down to Reggie’s cheek and then his lips.

”Luke,” Reggie murmurs, but Luke shushes him. 

Reggie sighs into the kiss, his fingers twisting in Luke’s sweater. Then he pulls away, shaking his head as if to clear it. ”What about Alex?”

Luke looks up, and meets Alex’s eyes over Reggie’s head. Alex is smiling, and Luke finally get it, gets why Alex broke up with him all that time ago. 

”Alex is right here,” he says, suddenly sure. ”Isn’t he.”

”Have I ever been anywhere else?” Alex says, closing the distance to them. 

Reggie looks between them. ”I don’t understand.” 

”Look,” Luke says, trying to fight back a grin, because yes, this is it. ”I know you’ve sometimes felt as if I’m managing your lives, in the same way as the band.” Alex gasps dramatically, but Luke forgives him since it makes Reggie laugh. ”I don’t know what will happen, or what we’re meant to do. But I do know that whatever it is, it’s the three of us together. Like it’s always been.” 

”Well, not exactly like it’s always been,” Reggie says, looking down at where’s he’s still holding on to Luke’s sweater. 

”Come on, Reginald,” Alex says softly, not resisting when Luke puts his arm around his waist, pulling him closer. ”Is it that much of a change, though? Really? I mean, I’ve been watching the two of you practically making out at the microphone every chance you get for about thirty years now.”

”Well, I had to watch the two of you actually making out!” Reggie exclaims indignantly. ”So many times. Seriously! Locks on doors exist for a reason.” 

”Clearly, I’m the only one taking any action here,” Luke says smugly. ”You two are slacking!”

Alex and Reggie look at each other, and Reggie blushes bright red when Alex presses a kiss into his hair. 

”Shut up,” he says, wrinkling his nose. 

”So,” Alex says, unable to stop the grin on his face. ”Not much of a difference, then.”

”I’m telling you boys,” Luke says, because he’s clearly known this all the time, even if he didn’t realize. ”We’re just one dream away from who we’re meant to be.”

Reggie groans, and Alex immediately moves away, holding his hands up. ”No, absolutely not,” he protests. ”I’m not doing this if you’re gonna quote our own songs, that’s just tacky.”

”Oh, come on!” Luke laughs, still giddy. ”It was perfect! It’s now or never!”

Reggie shakes his head. ”Nope. You blew it. Come on Alex, let’s head back to the Orpheum, see if there’s anyone left. Maybe they’re talking about us.” They move towards the door, and then they turn, looking at Luke expectantly. 

”Well?” Alex says. ”You can join us if you stop with the song thing.”

Luke mimes zipping his mouth closed, and nods, quickly moving toward them. It’s okay. They’ll play the rest by heart.


End file.
